miss hummel (internaltears) wrote,
miss hummel
internaltears

your cruel intentions won't solve your problems

man, all of a sudden i just feel so ridiculously drained. it's like maybe all this me being wicked strong and doing what's right and letting go of what i needed to let go of is finally catching up with me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am glad for these things. but man, it's like, right at this very moment, i have no clue what to do with myself. I just want to sleep. I mean, it is just weird cause like i have seen paul twice in like 4 days and i mean, i don't care. i don't care that he is married or that he is not mine. Dude sucks and I'm awesome. But i think it's just like the awkward factor for me. it's like, his mom freaking adores me and there we are at a party for his nephew and his mom is sitting with me....not him, not his wife, not with anyone else from the family, she is sitting with me. and i love her too but it's seriously just like "wow, ummm i met all these people when paul and i were 'talking' and now he is married and i am still around all these people. haha." It's jsut like wierd but i am so glad i am over him. Its like I look at him and i can't imagine what i ever saw in him and loved so much. Whatever it was, i am glad its gone. And i just dont know why i feel so stressed and weighed down right now. Maybe it was being over near damien's house or whatever but that is another one i am sooooooo glad to finally be done with. I am so done with being owned by stupid boys. Stupid brown eyed boys....

and of course, I am seriously over thinking this whole joe thing. I just think that he is super freaking amazing and i just want him to ask me on a date already. I am just sick of losers in aluminum foil....i want my knight in shining armor...and well, joe may just be it and i just want to find out like NOW. cause i am sooooo ridiculously smitten with this boy! But i am getting nervous the longer he goes without giving me a hint to whether or not he feels the same. ....
i hope he does....maybe he does.... :)

just tell me to shut up and take a nap....
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