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  2011.10.18  15.48

Guys do me a huge favor! I am trying to win this contest and I need your help! Just click on the link and at the bottom, there is a facebook "like" option... I'm already 19 but my goal is about 150 more lieks..will you help me? Just click and like....simple and easy.....



  2010.06.29  22.42

So if my computer weren't broken down I would totally be putting this in a document instead of in my journasl but it is broken down and I need to put it somewhere that I won't lose it so this works.

How to start a wedding planning business:

Very first things first:
A.) Establish Contacts

a1.) Research all different types of wedding vendors in the area (Venues, dress shops, florists, photographers, caterers, bakeries, entertainment, officants, musicians, etc)
a2.) Meet with researched vendors and establish working relationships with them. 
a.3.) Categorize vendors by their work, their price, their quality of work and choose specific vendors to work with often based on these criteria.

Pretty much that's all I have so far... However I can start thinking of how to go from there. Once that is compete, I need to find out how to go about getting a business liscence, etc. Then after that I need to start building a client base and working on marketing, etc.

While I am in the process of this, I need to be getting my feet as wet as possible.

Here goes nothing....


  2010.02.20  15.53
Writer's Block: Money to burn

If you were given two weeks off with an unlimited supply of money that was only good for those two weeks (anything you purchased, invested, or saved would disappear when the two weeks were up), what would you do?

 If I had an unlimited supply of money and two weeks of free time to use it but could not keep anything that came from it, I would simply go have fun. I would make memories. Not to say that it requires money in order to make memories because that is in no way remotely true but there are a lot of fun things to do that are quite expensive. Thus you are investing in the memory. For example, one thing I would love to do if I were in this predicament is going sky diving. Sky diving is very expensive but it is something that you never ever forget. So, I would do fun memorable things that cost money and take the memory with me.... travel (somewhere new each day), sky dive, go to amusement parks, see beautiful landmarks like the Eiffel tower,  LIVE. Also, if time allowed I would invest in some classes of some sort, learn something new. You always take a new skill with you, it will never disappear or vanish like something monetary or material.

What would you do?


  2009.03.02  10.11
Some thoughts...

I know that I need to make changes in my life which i have been doing a lot of lately, regarding Christ of course. I am finally entirely ready to change and to live a life that speaks volumes of Christ and brings constant glory to Him. I do not need to be a slave to sin anymore. I am a child of the risen king! I have grace because He has given it to me. I know, finally that i do not need to have sin in my back pocket. I don't need a fall-back plan for when I fail, because because of Christ, I don't ever have to fail like that ever again. He has given me complete and total freedom from the bondage of sin through His grace and through His son. I am ready to truly rely on Him every time I am tempted so that I never have to live like that again. He allowed me to lose everything to see how much I need Him. And He took me back with open arms as He has so many times. But I can't always be a prodigal. There has to be a point and time when the prodigal finally smartens up and comes home for good. I am determined to do that now only by the grace of God! "I will not quit, by God's grace I can do it". I know now there are steps that i really need to be making in my life an some are very hard. I think one of the hardest for me is purging people out of my life. I don't want to keep those people as a back-up plan in case I fail, really I want to make sure that there is no chance of a back-up plan if i fail. I want to make sure that I don't have room to fail. I want to prove to God that I am serious this time. That I am in this for the long run, that there is no turning back. And it's hard because i know I said that before. There is the text that nancy has that says , "I have decided (to choose to) follow Jesus. No turning back, by the grace of God, no turning back. I am tired of wanting to be willing, nan, I am willing.". Well, i said that and i failed. And as Andy said last night, i make all these emotional decisions and i put everything i have into doing right but then i fall and i put everything I have into falling. I don't want to make emotional decisions anymore, I want to live for Christ and I want to put everything I have into it. But i need to find the line between true virtue (the desire to be like Christ) and emotion. But one thing I know, I am done with failing. I know I cannot cannot cannot do it on my own, and that every ounce and strength and courage must come from Christ, but I am ready to follow Christ and to begin molding my life into what it needs to be in order for me to be exactly what He wants me to be and to begin to find the path He has for my life, which i truly believe is in full time ministry.

So, if anyone reads this, pray for me. Encourage me. That's all i ask.


  2009.03.02  09.56
Proverbs 1 and 2

Proverbs 1

The Purpose:
Vs. 1-4
A.) To know wisdom and instruction
B) To recieve instruction on wisdom, justice, and equity
C) To teach knowledge and discrection

A.) Vs. 7 I need not to be a fool but rather i need to be fearing God and growing in wisdom and knowledge.
B.) Vs.8-9 We are to obey, honor, and learn from our parents
C.) V.10- 19 We are to stay away from those who do evil. We are not even to be enticed by them. They are greedy and they seek to do harm, even to themselves sometimes. We are to run from them.
D.) V. 20- 33 We are to seek out wisdom. We are to heed to it and to listen to it. We are not to refuse God's wisdom by being foolish. If we are foolish and don't heed to wisdom, then when we need it, it is not going to be given to us. We are to seek and use wisdom now, not jsut when we feel that we need it. We are to fear the Lord. But if we hearken unto wisdom, we will be safe.

Proverbs 2

A.)  V. 1-2 We are to hear God's words and hide his commandments in our heart, keeping them close to us and following them. We are to listen to wisdom and be inclined to the understanding of Christ.
B.) V. 3-5 If we seek knowledge and understanding and do so earnestly, God will give it to us. I need to be personally seeking knowledge and understanding in my own life.
C.) V. 6-9 These things are all available through Christ and if we are seeking them through Him, he will provide them fully and completely.  ( Righteousness, judgment, equity, etc.)
D.) V. 10-22 Having wisdom and knowledge will lead to having discretion and understanding. These two things will preserve you and keep you from evil. I need to be praying for these things so that i may have true discretion and understanding. These things will deliver you from evil from those who seek to tear you from Christ.


  2009.01.03  23.40
dawson's creek has done it again

I know that things between us are pretty much beyond repair right now. And I wouldn't ever presume to try and make everything better with a conversation, so that's not what this is -- but I just wanted to tell you, I wanted to say ... I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the pain it caused you. But mostly I'm sorry for my part in it. But mostly I'm sorry because I miss our friendship. And however far off it may be, I look forward to the day that we can be friends again

You live in a world of black and white and I see pieces of gray.. that's the difference between you and me. that's what made me fall in love with you, and that's what is tearing us apart.

It's agony. Complete, excruciating agony. It's like your heart has been ripped out of your chest and stomped on, and you can't breathe... you don't want to eat... you can't function. It's the most intense pain that you'll ever feel, and the worst part is, there's no way to relieve it. It's unyielding, merciless torture, and you *know* that it's yours for life.


  2008.10.21  20.43

i was thinking, overthinking
cause theres just too many scenerios
to analyze, look in my eyes
cause you're my dream please come true.
i was thinking, overthinking
about exactly how i'm not exactly him
i'll break my heart in two more times than you could ever do ( i have for you too many times already andrew)
cause you're my dream please come true. (i'm what you want but you don't get why you don't want me)

cause i think way too much on a one track mind
and you're so out of touch cause i'm so far behind
i can't deny this anymore, the facts ignored all done before
and if theres one in this world, you let me know you're not that girl.

i was sinking, lower sinking
cause i lost the things i held on to
they let me think a thought a thought that i would know was not
of seeing my dreams come true (which is why i called you crying christina, like three times)
i was thinking, overthinking (as usual, but the world's not logical andrew)
about how far i had let this go (by keeping you close and not letting this go christina)
one more guy/girl cliche i know now you're just in the way of me and my dream come true. (even though you are exactly what i want christina, i just don't want you)

cause i think way too much on a one track mind
and you're so out of touch cause i'm so far behind (you've always been far ahead andrew)
i'm trying to make sense out of all of this
while you're fading scent just slips through my grip ( oh you don't to let me go andrew but you don't want to keep me either it's not fair)
i can't deny this anymore, the facts ignored all done before
and if theres one in this world, you'll let me know you're not that girl. (you let me know i'm not that girl)

don't touch the positive with the negative end
don't touch the positive with the negative end
cause after all the sparks you're left still in the dark
cause after all the sparks you're left alone in the dark

cause i think way too much on a one track mind
and you're so out of touch cause i'm so far behind
i'm trying to make sense out of all of this
while you're fading scent just slips through my grip

i was thinking, over thinking
cause theres just too many scenerios
to think about to figure out
if you're my dream please come true


  2008.10.14  22.57

i guess there's no diamond underneath...

Mood: sad

  2008.09.30  00.24
reality bites

i realllly want to kick and scream and swear right now.but i won't. even though it sucks so bad.

pick up the pieces of my broken heart
they're lying on the bathroom floor
that's where i left them when i fell down


  2008.09.23  16.00

my heart is off the market right now, it is currently being held hostage.


  2008.09.19  15.24
to be continued.

The sound of your voice kept me awake last night
a tug on my heartstrings
your words whirling around me
holding me a captive in your city


  2008.09.17  13.28
Amber summers

The nights of these amber summers captivate me

They lay hold of my passion and keep me until the morning comes

The waves are my solace and I drift on them

Fears and hopes and dreams set free

These amber summers remind me that I don’t need to have a care in the world

I have my water and my moon

The dreary winters leave me empty but these nights bring me to life again

Paint me passionate or soulful

Make me Etta James or Aretha Franklin or Billy Holiday

Give me the heart of Maya Angelo and the love of Mother Theresa

These amber summers keep me warm even on the darkest of days

Lay me down and tell me lies but I can discern them all

I need not the embraces of men or the love of this world

I have my waves and I have my soul

I have my fire and I could walk on beds of burning coals

Because my amber summers are my strength




  2008.09.03  20.51
i think i love you so what am i so afraid of?

I've never known love like this. It's not that he is in love with me, but that caring innocent love, the kind that asks for nothing in return. I never knew someone oculd care about me the way that he does, i never knew that anyone could cry over me. He protects me from myself and i love him for that. But I am scared that his kind of love only stays here, it never grows into that true love. I never even thought i believed in true love, maybe i don't. But it is just that he can care about me and he can cry over me even and he can spend lots of time worrying about me and protecting me but does he see anything else in me? I want him to call me pretty, even just once. Maybe that would tell me that maybe all this time i spend thinking of him isn't in vain. I really think that he is the one.I know it sounds silly but i seriously think that he is the one that God has set aside for me. It is the only explanation for our amazingly special relationship and while he doesn't deny that that could very well be the case, he isn't seeing me as anything more than his friend right now. And it's hard because i know he cares about me so much and i know i have hurt him and i think that that hurt isn't just a normal hurt, i think it is because deep down he knows i am special to him and the thought of me messing around with someone else kills. I don't know. Maybe i am crazy, maybe i am ridiculous. I don't know but i can't shake this feeling that we are made for each other.

I really hope i am not crazy.


  2008.06.17  19.35
lies (revised)

Hey there baby

I was wondering if maybe you could do me a favor tonight

It’s a simple one I promise

All I want is for you to tell me lies

I know that tomorrow you’ll be holding her again

But tonight it’s me in your the sea of your arms

It’s my mouth drenched in the warmth of your sweet kisses

I thought I’d never have you but baby tonight I do

So I was wondering if maybe you could do me a favor

Oh baby, tell me a little white lie or two

Whisper you love me as I feel you inside

I know I’ll never have you just where I want you

But you have me where you want me

So give me nothing in this life just like you always have

But you owe me this tonight

I never ask for anything but baby this is mine

At least when you have me

Tell me lies


  2008.06.17  18.29
All i'll ask for

I was wondering if maybe you could do me a favor tonight

It’s a simple one I promise

All I want is for you to tell me lies

I know that tomorrow you’ll be holding her again

But tonight it’s me in your the sea of your arms

It’s my mouth drenched in the warmth of your sweet kisses

I thought I’d never have you but baby tonight I do

So I was wondering if maybe you could do me a favor

Oh baby, tell me lies.

Whisper you love me as I feel you inside

I know I’ll never have you just where I want you

But you have me where you want me

So give me nothing in this life just like you always have

But you owe me this lie tonight

I never ask for anything but baby this is mine

At least when you hold me

Tell me lies


  2008.06.16  21.17
i saw you today

I saw you today in the dim light of the setting sun

Walking step by step to somewhere I’ll never know

Hands fumbling through your pockets for one of those sweet cinnamon candies that make you smell like Christmas

As your long blonde hair lifted a little with each tiny gust of the summer breeze


I saw you today wearing those tight jeans on your skinny body

Knowing that beneath them lay only bare skin and making me chuckle a little

Your gray t-shirt peeking out underneath your green zip up sweater

Your eyes a perfect shade to match


I saw you today and a tear fell from my eye

I longed to reach out and touch you

To smell the sweet smell of pomegranates on your skin

I saw you today and I began to chase after you but the quicker I ran the farther away you became

I saw you today but then the alarm rang…





  2008.06.16  16.15

All of our lives we have heard this concept of the American dream. As i walked home from work this afternoon, examining the houses in the neighborhood that I was in, I began to think what exactly is the American dream? I used to think that the American dream was simple, that it was black and white. To define the American dream that I have envisioned my entire life would be a simple home with a white picket fence. Inside the fence a husband and wife, happily married, a few children running around in the yard, a golden retriever, a nice car parked outside in the driveway. I thought that was the American dream but then I look at the world that we live in today and I look at the real America and it makes me re-think this concept in great proportions. Maybe we all have a different American dream. Gatsby's American dream was that of money and pride, no wife or children or picket fence needed. I think that maybe the American dream has become nothing more than the shallow single life of a party girl living in a lush pad in the Hollywood hills with maybe a little fame sprinkled on top. Or maybe the fame first everything else following. Maybe the American dream is to be the boss, to be the one in charge, the CEO, the head honcho. I don't know. But it's not the happy and functional families that you hear saying " I am living the American dream", it's the celebrities, the athletes, the socialites. This whole idea of the American dream has lost it's luster. It's sad to see the change in the idea of what it is to be truly happy and successful go from family to fame. Maybe I am wrong, maybe the American dream is simply your dream. Maybe it's what you make it. In that case, I'll take what I have envisioned my whole life. I will take the husband and the happy marriage and the children and the dog and picket fence. I will take that any day over the shallow and lonely life of money and success. How about you?


  2008.05.16  23.56
best friends

Create Fake Magazine Covers with your own picture at MagMyPic.com


  2008.05.13  18.07

i've found a liquid cure for these land locked blues.


  2008.05.11  21.46

this sucks....

she says: i know i'm pretty
but doesnt anyone else think that i am
and i am here wating
for someone to take me by thehand
and i'm growing anxious
i'm growing anxious


  2008.05.10  17.32
your cruel intentions won't solve your problems

man, all of a sudden i just feel so ridiculously drained. it's like maybe all this me being wicked strong and doing what's right and letting go of what i needed to let go of is finally catching up with me. I mean, don't get me wrong, I am glad for these things. but man, it's like, right at this very moment, i have no clue what to do with myself. I just want to sleep. I mean, it is just weird cause like i have seen paul twice in like 4 days and i mean, i don't care. i don't care that he is married or that he is not mine. Dude sucks and I'm awesome. But i think it's just like the awkward factor for me. it's like, his mom freaking adores me and there we are at a party for his nephew and his mom is sitting with me....not him, not his wife, not with anyone else from the family, she is sitting with me. and i love her too but it's seriously just like "wow, ummm i met all these people when paul and i were 'talking' and now he is married and i am still around all these people. haha." It's jsut like wierd but i am so glad i am over him. Its like I look at him and i can't imagine what i ever saw in him and loved so much. Whatever it was, i am glad its gone. And i just dont know why i feel so stressed and weighed down right now. Maybe it was being over near damien's house or whatever but that is another one i am sooooooo glad to finally be done with. I am so done with being owned by stupid boys. Stupid brown eyed boys....

and of course, I am seriously over thinking this whole joe thing. I just think that he is super freaking amazing and i just want him to ask me on a date already. I am just sick of losers in aluminum foil....i want my knight in shining armor...and well, joe may just be it and i just want to find out like NOW. cause i am sooooo ridiculously smitten with this boy! But i am getting nervous the longer he goes without giving me a hint to whether or not he feels the same. ....
i hope he does....maybe he does.... :)

just tell me to shut up and take a nap....


  2008.04.28  21.40

i am totally jumping the gun

i am so going to marry this boy......


  2008.04.01  01.32
Thanks to my muse.

After over 5 years....the quote book is finally done. And I feel so so so good.
On top of the fact that I was already feeling wonderful.
I said I wanted to be satisfied.
And well, I AM!

Done, its finally done.

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes "Awww"

- Jack Kerouac

In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out.  It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being.  We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.  ~Albert Schweitzer

Mood: accomplished

  2008.03.31  00.11
Just how far the east is from the west...

So, I am listening to casting crowns and even though I am listening to the new album, it brought back a memory. I remember bringing Justin up to Word of Life, for RA training last year and out on the main lawn, the quad, as I called it, they were having like this cookout thing for dinner and they were playing "voice of truth" and then i met andrew there.  And I remember meeting dreggitts and alex bradley on that lawn that day too. WOLBI was such a different world to me then. It was like this huge mystery that would be the next year of my life. It's crazy to think that I went there not knowing anything about it and trusting God through that strange year and strange enviorment. But it was such a great great year. And I miss it so much. But, life goes on. I learned a lot there about God, about the Bible, about life. But it's a bubble there. It is not the real world. And so I am in the world and God has great plans for my  life and I am so excited to see what they are.... :)

Mood: looking forward

  2008.03.30  00.34
Red walls and yellow lamps...

I have decided that my dreams are not meant to be boxed. I have learned that I have to believe in my wants.
So, with that said.
I want a coffee house/book store/chill spot./bakery/etc.
Like, my own.
I have since senior year.
And well, I will have it.
I don't know where or when but I will.
See, if this weren't meant to happen.
Then I wouldn't have been given a best friend with the same dream.
So, it will
And we will have deep red walls and awesome funky lamps and art all over the walls.
Some of the rooms will have murals, others will have the sharpie written memories of college students...
And we will sell used books, lots of them
and vintage jewelry.
And we will have the best coffee in town
and cinnamon struesel muffins to die for.
And we will have awesome bands there every night.
And little art babies running around in the early mornings.
And art lessons in the back room with the crazy blonde teacher, a pencil holding up her hair, baby on hip, looking quizzically at every detail of life, trying to maneuver the perfect change.
And well, love.
Lots of love in that place.
Love and family and warmth and diversity and the blend of two best friends, soul-mates.
And I cannot wait...

Mood: peaceful

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